Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
