Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
