so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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