When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
