Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
