Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
