I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
