just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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