If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
