What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
