I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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