thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
