just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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