No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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