What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
