Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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