My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
