Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
