she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
