Me too!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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