Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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