My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
