You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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