what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
