I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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