Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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