Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
