Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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