Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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