anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
