So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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