i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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