JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
