have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
