Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
