I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
