i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
