Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
