I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
