either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
is wine microwaveable?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
