I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
