Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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