I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
