After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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