and next time when you feel me up, do it right
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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