we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
