I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
