Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
