You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
