"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My ass is underappreciated
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
